September 9, 2020

How do you know when a relationship is bad?

There are several warning signs to a relationship being a bad match, but even with a good list in front of you…you may not be able to guarantee that you won’t get hurt. The fact is, some traits that we might talk about will be good in certain situations.

So let’s talk about an example of one of these traits that could be good or bad. Let’s take a leadership type of person who thrives at work and seems like a great catch on paper. Now, let’s take a look at that same leadership material and look at that same person’s leading while talking to a partner at home. Being a leader might mean talking over you or not considering others point of view. So the great catch can start to look a little dull.

Now, let’s look at activities. You might fall in love with an avid crossfit competitor and feel like you are a great match since you can speak the same Burpee language. Now let’s say this happy, athletic couple then has one partner who get’s chronic illness. They were happy, but something changed for them both.

When you choose a partner, you choose a set of problems you will have to deal with in this partnership. If you choose another partner, guess what you will have? A different set of problems that can be equally hard, but for different reasons. So that happy crossfit couple might have met different partners and they still would fight about other things.

The traits we find most compatible for partnership is where they both work as a team, even if that means that needs are not met sometimes. Great partners are ones that give and trust that they will have the chance to help themselves later. A pairing that works well like this won’t want the other person to suffer.

The traits that you will want to focus on for compatibility are these:

  • Emotional Intelligence: how aware is this person of their feelings and how this impacts others. If you are very aware of your own feeling world and partner doesn’t care…you will have a difficult time.
  • Conflict Style: how much can this person solve problems, handle criticism, cope with being wrong, and handle disappointment. If you are not someone who thrives in conflict, then you will want to think about this area in your next partnership. 
  • Stress Management: how does your partner deal with stress, hunger, fatigue, and others mood triggers? Some people get mood swings easily while others will remain fairly calm. Do you vibe with stress coping?
  • History of Relationships: how much has your partner been hurt by family or partners before you? Do you have room for their pain story or do they have room for yours? Low tolerance of past traumas can hurt a love story.

So when you choose a partner, consider compatibility testing to learn how these areas of involved in your new partnership. It can be fun to learn when you are not already in an argument and feeling hurt. You can do this with me for a nominal fee. 

About the Author Shawn Davis

I'm Shawn 🙋‍♀️, the leader and founder of Renew The Love. I'm on a mission to use my 20 years of relationship experience to create a community just for mending your broken heart and getting energized to date in a way that makes your next love last. I have a Social Work degree and have been licensed to practice therapy in Florida since 2003 where I have helped hundreds of people build healthier connections and lives. Let's see what we can accomplish together.

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